The Great Ikari Auction
by Psycho Counter
Summary: What happens when SEELE cuts Nerv's budget almost down to nothing? Gendo decides to have an daily auction, with his son Shinji as the prize every time! Will our hero be able to find romance in the carnage? Shinjix? Rating for language and later situation.
1. Of Empty Coffers and Desperate Measures

Hello! This Psycho Counter bringing you the result of _way_ too many root beers and candy bars: The Great Ikari Auction. Trust me, if it were possible to get drunk off root beer, I'd be so totally sloshed right now that the hospital would have to pump my stomach.

Author's Notes: I already have a planned pairing for this fic, so there'll be no vote like in The Demon Master, but don't worry. I'm pretty sure you guys will be too busy laughing yourselves unconscious to notice all that much.

Okay, I've had enough rambling. On with the show!

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**The Great Ikari Auction  
****By Psycho Counter**

**Chapter 1: Of Empty Coffers and Desperate Measures**

Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki was normally someone very difficult to stun. The aging ex-professor carried a calm grandfatherly air about him at all times, perfect when dealing with disgruntled Nerv employees. Right now, though, Gendo Ikari had pulled off something few could claim on their social resumes: He had made Kozo begin to question his sanity. This probably explained why he was looking at his former student/current employer as if he had suddenly grown an extra head.

"Gendo…would you care to run that by me again? I must have some wax in my ear or something because I swear I just heard you suggest that we auction the Third Child off on dates to anybody willing to bid high enough on him," he asked.

The Supreme Commander of Nerv could only smirk at the older man. "I assure you, Sensei, that I was quite serious. If you would bother to observe the boy's surroundings, then you would realize that half the female population of Tokyo-3 is infatuated with him. With SEELE cutting our budget to such painfully low levels, Nerv is in desperate need of funds," he replied, his facial expression not changing in the slightest while he spoke.

Fuyutsuki just knew this was asking for trouble. He was well aware of the…magnetism…the Third emitted in regards to the female populace. But he knew that giving that many women a chance to bag the young Ikari was just an invitation for outright pandemonium. "I still believe you should reconsider this, Gendo. We don't know for certain how the, uh, contestants would react to such a prize."

"Nonsense. This will net Nerv enough funds to last us for years. Then we can continue with the scenario."

Fuyutsuki smirked. "Would the scenario include a gratuitous amount of booze and enough hookers to make even Hugh Heffner green with envy?"

Gendo's face flushed cherry red at his teacher's words. "Sensei…shut up and get to work. We've got an organization to finance!"

**(Katsuragi apartment)  
**"SAY WHAT! Nerv is auctioning the baka off on a blind date!" I'll give you guys three guesses as to who just said that, and the first two don't count.

Misato Katsuragi, purple-haired goddess of Tokyo-3 and Nerv's Tactical Operations Director, sighed and pinched her nose in frustration. "Yes Asuka it's true, and that's 'blind dates,' as in a multiple. I just got the information from Commander Ikari himself. Apparently, Nerv's budget is a little tight, so they plan on having people bid on a chance for a date with Shinji in order to buff up our finances."

Asuka snorted. "If they wanted to get some extra cash, then why sale the baka? He has all the sexual appeal of a rock, if you ask me," she snapped. Inside her mind though, the redhead was raging.

'_Son of a bitch! All that teasing and negative reinforcement to get the idiot to loosen up and his old man has to make sure I lose my little baka. Unless…oh hell no! I did NOT just think of Baka Shinji as mine! Bad Asuka! Bad!_' she mentally smacked herself repeatedly for thinking of the shy, timid pilot in that way. Kaji was her ideal man...wasn't he?

"I can only think of the effect this'll have on poor Shinji," Misato continued in her worried tone.

"Him?! I wouldn't be surprised if his head grew to the size of Russia because of this!" the younger woman screamed at her guardian.

"Then I guess we'll find out when he gets home from the store, won't we? God I need a beer," Misato shot back.

**(About half an hour later)  
**After Shinji had gotten home from his impromptu visit to the grocery shop, the first thing he noticed was Asuka glaring at him more intensely than usual.

'_Uh-oh…what did I do this time?_' the boy asked himself as he quietly shuffled into the kitchen to put his purchases into the fridge. Setting the vegetables in their proper place, Shinji closed the door and set down a plate of preheated fish for Pen-Pen. Lord knew that Misato wouldn't feed the poor bird, having delegated that task Shinji.

Walking back into the living room cautiously, he found Asuka still glaring at him heatedly. He flinched. Hearing a thump come from his guardian's room, Shinji turned his head to see Misato stumble through the doorway, obviously drunk if her eyes and gait were any indication.

Laying eyes on her young ward, her eyes considerably brightened. "Shin-chan, you're home! So how do you feel about the news?"

Shinji blinked. Just how much of that awful sludge she called a beverage had she sculled this time? "What news? What are you talking about Misato?" he asked, wary of the sultry way in which the older but still very beautiful woman was sauntering towards him.

"Why the Ikari Auction, of course! Didn't you hear? You're dad decided that you could earn money for Nerv by being sold out to date anybody willing to bid high enough for ya," she yelled. Shinji blinked again. Okay, it was official: Misato was totally trashed beyond all human comprehension. It was a miracle she hadn't died of liver poisoning yet.

"Misato, I'm gonna get you a glass of water. I think you've been knocking back one too many Yebisu's tonight, so why don't you go lie down for a bit."

Before he could get her the water he promised, Asuka slapped him from behind. "You really are a total moron, aren't you? Misato wasn't joking about that damn auction. You're old man's gone off the deep end and put you up for sale like a common pet rat!" she said.

Shinji couldn't believe what he was hearing. Him? Auctioned off to some strange woman simply so Nerv could earn a few extra bucks? As the information finally finished processing through his brain, he did the only thing that seemed reasonable considering his new circumstances: he fainted dead away.

**(Tokyo-3 City Hall Pavilion)  
**The participation at Gendo's little auction was far beyond any expectation they had calculated. It was like the entirety of Tokyo-3's women had shown up to have a chance at dating the immaculate and timid pilot. City Hall had approved Nerv's usage of the main pavilion as the auction site, where Nerv personnel had set up an elevated stage complete with curtain and bleachers for the bidders and guests.

Fuyutsuki glanced out at the massive crowd with growing apprehension. So far, the women had behaved themselves reasonably well, so riot control had been kept to a minimum. Clearing his throat, he began to speak into the microphone. "May I have your attention please? Thank you. First of all, I would like to be the first to welcome everyone to the Ikari Auction. As I'm sure you all know the prize for today's auction is a date with designated Third Child and pilot of Evangelion Unit-01, Shinji Ikari!"

Waving his hand to the side, the curtain behind the old man parted to reveal Shinji in his normal school uniform. The boy was blushing madly as he felt the gaze of every female in the city on him and him alone. Silently, he wondered just why his father had thought this would be a good idea. Interestingly, he spotted Misato, Asuka, and several other girls he knew in the stands. The boy prayed under his breath that he would survive the event in one piece.

Smiling warmly at the boy, Fuyutsuki stepped down from the podium as Shigeru Aoba replaced him. The long-haired technician had been personally chosen by Commander Ikari to serve as auctioneer, and the rest of the bridge crew acknowledged that Aoba knew how to charge a crowd.

"Okay ladies, let's get right down to the nitty gritty. This is how the thing is going to work: We'll start the bidding relatively low and let you ladies duke it out amongst yourselves in a bidding war, thought keep your hands to yourself please. Every week though, we'll up the starting bid price a little bit to start weeding out the lowest bidders. Also, after a lady has won a date with our esteemed bachelor here, they are automatically forbidden from winning again. We want to give everybody a chance, after all. Now then, what say we start today's bidding at…oh, 10,000 yen?"

Automatically, several dozen bidding cards shot into the air. Grinning widely, Shigeru pumped his fist. "Hey hey, we've got quite a few starters out there! Alright, let's up the score a little. Who'll give me 30,000 yen?!" A couple hands dropped, but many stayed and quite a few actually went up! Shinji gaped. There had to be at least a hundred hands in the air. He wasn't worth 30,000 yen was he?

"He he…perfect. Alright, you gals wanna get rough huh? Okay, let's jack it up to 100,000 yen!" A lot of the hands dropped, leaving maybe thirty still standing. Two or three jumped up though at the increase. Shinji's eyes bugged out as Shigeru kept firing ever-increasing bids, until finally things were slowing down. Though if you asked the boy, the bidding price was getting ridiculous. What was even crazier, he couldn't tell who was bidding, as a wall had been erected to keep him from witnessing who was bidding what.

"How about 350,000? There we go, I got 350! Someone wanna give me 400? Come on ladies, prime dating material right next to me! Aha, and we've got 400. 500? Boom, I've got 500! Bidda, bidda, bidda!"

Shinji had to admit: Shigeru was good; _real good_. He was driving the women into a frenzy that the boy didn't have to see to believe. He heard it well enough on his own.

"600 right there! Who'll give me 7? Going once, going twice…bingo, and we've got 700! How about 8? Who'll go for eight? Once, twice…and sold!" Shinji could feel the depression in the air as the girls all complained loudly at the end of the auction.

"And bidder number 458 wins our first date with Shinji for the hefty sum of 700,000 yen!" Shigeru exclaimed. "Alright ma'am, if you wanna come around, you can collect your prize."

Shinji couldn't help but feel glum at the way he was referred to as a prize, but he couldn't get mad at the technician: He was simply following his father's psychotic orders. Sighing to himself, he turned around fully expecting to meet some fancy-dressed woman that reeked of too much perfume. Who he saw, though, was completely unexpected.

He blanched, taking in the short brown hair, the soft yet shy smile, and the customary Nerv uniform. "Ms. Ibuki…?"

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Well that does it for Chapter 1, and Maya has won the first date! Things are gonna get crazy from here on out as Shinji ends up being dragged on numerous dates all over Tokyo-3. Who will our shy hero choose as his companion at the end of it all? Only I know, so that makes me God. Bwahahaha!

Next time on The Great Ikari Auction, Chapter 2: The First Date. Shinji takes Maya out on the first date of the auction, only to find trouble at every corner as the competition decides to play party crasher.

Until next time, this is Psycho Counter, bidding you all a fair farewell!


	2. The First Date

Yo peeps! What's happening?! This is Psycho Counter bringing you the next chapter in The Great Ikari Auction. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to cause some outright mayhem, as I'm pretty sure you guys are ready to watch it.

Author's Notes: NefCanuck- If I didn't make Asuka one of the competitors for this thing, I'd have to eat my own hat lol. Also, some of you may recognize some of the sabotage that goes on around here, as other authors have given me enough ideas to make Shinji wanna rip his hair out.

Alright, now that the red tape has been cut, let's watch some chaos!

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, Hideki Anno does. You guys really don't wanna know what I would've done with the show if I was in charge.

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**The Great Ikari Auction  
****By Psycho Counter**

**Chapter 2: The First Date**

Shinji sighed heavily as he finished buttoning up his suit. After finding out that Maya had been the first winner at his dad's month-long auction, the demure young man had made it a point to go out to the mall and buy himself a decent formal suit. Shinji was if anything a little self-conscious and figured that if he was going to be forced into this, he may as well try to look good to his dates while doing it.

Giving himself an once-over in the mirror, Shinji had to admit that he cut a good figure in his outfit. The jacket and pants were deep cobalt, the same color as his eyes. Underneath the jacket, he wore a metallic silver vest and plain white shirt from one of his school uniforms. He quickly buttoned up the jacket and grabbed his comb, debating whether it would be worth the effort to try and get his dusty mop of hair to do something other than lie there like a dead animal.

Figuring the cons outweighed the pros in this instance; Shinji dropped the toothed utensil and patted himself down lightly to remove any stray dust that had attached itself to him. As he tucked his wallet into his back pocket, Shinji was grateful for one thing: Nerv was footing the entire bill for every single date he was forced on. Luckily, the proceeds from the auction provided more than enough for Gendo to allow his wayward son an opportunity to take the ladies of Tokyo-3 somewhere classier than a noodle bowl shop. Another thing the boy was thankful for was that whoever funded Nerv hadn't completely cut off their money: who knows how high the bidding would have gone if that were the case.

Shinji smiled to himself as he walked casually out of his room and into the den to wait for his date. As soon as Misato saw him, she burst into tears. "Awww…my little Shinji's growing up so fast! You look so handsome," she told him. The boy blushed as Misato hugged him fiercely, as if letting him go would cause him to disappear suddenly.

"Thanks Misato. I'm glad you think so anyway, but I hope Maya likes it too."

Misato grinned at her charge. "Shin-chan, I've talked with Maya a bit before you even came here to pilot and I know for a fact that Maya hasn't dated anybody since she got out of high school 6 years ago. If she isn't impressed with how good you look, I'll eat Pen-Pen." The bird in question gave an indignant WARK in response, glaring at his owner as well as a flightless bird possibly could.

"Oh stuff it, you feather-brained dope, I didn't _mean_ it!" Misato cried as the penguin decided to enact its displeasure by viciously pecking the woman's legs. Shinji laughed as Pen-Pen chased his guardian onto the couch, the Operations Director screaming out "Mad penguin! Mad penguin!"

As Misato prepared to bludgeon her pet with a pillow, the doorbell rang out. Still chuckling, Shinji walked over to the door and slowly pulled it open, his breath suddenly vacating his lungs at the sight before him.

Maya had opted for an elegant baby blue dress that stretched down to just below her knees, a deep slit on the side. Her already petite frame seemed to be slimmed even further by the outfit. Shinji wasn't sure if he was imagining things, but it also looked like her breasts were a bit bigger than he thought. Either her Nerv uniform hid more than he had originally believed, or the woman was wearing a corset underneath to accentuate her assets. Taking a closer look, Shinji realized it was the former. She didn't wear a lot of make-up, either; just enough to make her lips seem fuller and her soft brown eyes a little more vivid. Overall, Shinji could only come up with one worthy description of the young woman in front of him: Maya looked, well…_hot_!

Smiling shyly at the gaping pilot, Maya giggled. "Good evening, Shinji. I have to admit, you look great. Very handsome," she said.

Shinji finally managed to gather her wits. "Thanks, Maya. I think you look beautiful," he replied, much to the technician's great embarrassment. Her cheeks flushed red at the praise he gave her. Nobody had ever called the mousy woman beautiful before, and she admitted that she loved hearing it come from Shinji.

The pilot held out his arm, linking it around Maya's tentatively but with a courage he didn't know he possessed. "Well then, shall we go?" he asked her. She nodded back, a smile on her face. "Lead the way, kind sir."

Laughing, the pair walked away from the apartment and down the stairs to the limo that Nerv was providing for their transportation.

As they saw the car drive away, Misato and Asuka, who poked her head out her door as soon as Shinji left, looked at each other briefly before identical evil grins spread across their faces. '_I'll just have to give that little bitch the night of her life…thinking she'll take my Shinji/baka from me,_' they thought in unison.

**(Downtown Tokyo-3: Mitaka's Italian Bistro)  
**"Wow Shinji! This place is supposed to be one of the best non-Japanese style restaurants left in the city. How did you know I liked Italian food?" Maya asked when Section-2 had dropped them off. Shinji blushed.

"I asked around to some of the other technicians at Nerv that work with you. I felt that if I would be taking you on a date, then I may as well try to make it the best I can give," he replied.

Maya smiled sweetly and kissed the stunned pilot on the cheek. "Thank you Shinji. I've never been on a date where the guy tried so hard to make me happy."

Shinji looked at the young woman with a deep concern in his eyes. "Well if they weren't willing to put forth the extra effort, then maybe they just weren't worth your time," he said, still shivering a little from the kiss he felt he undeservingly stole from the woman.

Maya nodded as they walked inside together. The waiter was rather quick to seat the couple when he found out that Shinji was a pilot. However, any chance of a tip for him went out the window when, as he returned to his post, he met with a rather unfortunate 'accident;' mainly an irate, frying-pan wielding Asuka Langley Sohryu.

Quickly, Misato dragged the unconscious waiter into a nearby storage closet and, divesting him of his uniform, locked it shut. Accompanying the two on their little excursion were Hikari Horaki, Mana Kirishima, several other girls from the pilots' class, Ritsuko Akagi, a couple women of the Tokyo-3 citizenry, and even Rei Ayanami. Together, the group decided to give the young couple a date they'd never forget, even with millions of years of therapy.

Strolling into the kitchens unassuming, Ritsuko flashed an official-looking ID. "Health Inspectors! We need to ask a few questions, so if you'd all just step outside for a minute, we'll be done momentarily."

The head chef was furious at the intrusion made by the woman. "Now see here! You can't just-" he started to rant, before the scientist's icy glare silenced any resistance he may have had. Cowing slightly, the entire kitchen staff marched outside the back door, only to meet the same fate as the waiter. The cooks were stripped down, and the women threw the uniforms on haphazardly, swiftly getting to work.

Misato cackled evilly as she started to search through the ingredients, hoping to find something she could fix up quickly enough to not look suspicious to the guests in the dining hall. Her impromptu search was quickly shut down as Rei forced her into a waiter's uni, a blonde wig, and severe amounts of make-up. The older woman huffed in defiance as the azure-haired girl told her in no uncertain terms, "You will not touch that food if you value your existence."

Ritsuko congratulated Rei on her foresight as Misato strolled out to take Shinji and Maya's orders. "Thanks for that Rei. Our plan is to simply wreck their date, not kill them. Personally I'm not in favor of what Maya's doing, but she _is_ a capable assistant, and I have no desire to try and find a new one should she die of food poisoning because of Misato."

Rei nodded indifferently. '_Soon Ikari-kun shall be mine. Perhaps I should begin studying that book I saw in Dr. Akagi's office. What was it called...? The Kama Sutra?_' A devious smile graced the girl's features as she prepared herself for the day when she would claim the shy pilot as her own.

**(The Dining Room)  
**"So what can I get you two tonight?" Misato asked as she stood in front of the object of her desires and his date. Growling under her breath, she wrote down their orders of chicken Alfredo with steamed vegetables for Maya and a plate of tortellini with ham, peas, and tomato cream sauce for Shinji. Smirking to herself, the buxom Nerv officer shuffled away to give her cohorts the recipe for disaster she had obtained. Meanwhile, back with Shinji and Maya, the two were chatting animatedly about their lives outside Nerv.

"That's so incredible that you can play cello, Shinji. I could never play anything music-related; not enough artistic talent I guess," Maya replied as Shinji told her about his lessons with the stringed instrument.

"It alright Maya. Everybody's got their own unique talents from what my teacher told me. Maybe computers just happen to be yours. I know that you're an important part of the Eva operations, and I appreciate that," Shinji explained to her. Maya blushed deeply. Here was a boy almost half her age, and he had thus far shown more care for her and a maturity far exceeding that of any of the slezeballs that she had dated back in high school.

Shinji on the other hand was very near to having a heart attack. He tried to appear calm on the outside, but in the depths of his own mind he was panicking. If one had asked Shinji what he thought his first date would be like, the boy probably would've laughed at you. He was Shinji Ikari, the Universe's Bitch. Him going on dates with cute girls was a vile disruption of the natural order of things. And yet, here he was...enjoying a pleasant evening of dinner with a young woman nearly twice his age but just as beautiful, if not more so, than even his guardian. And as if that wasn't insane enough, he would be going on 29 more such dates, thanks largely to his father's asinine ideas.

"By the way Maya," Shinji continued, "how exactly were you able to afford a 700,000 yen date with me? It's quite a bit of money."

Maya smiled. "My folks made some pretty sound investments in the past couple generations. Add that to their pretty bulky salaries, and the Ibuki family has been fairly well off. I could probably retire off what I inherited from my parents when they died in Second Impact, but I figured I needed something to do with my life. Besides, the Nerv job pays fairly well itself," she explained.

Ten minutes later found them sighing happily as their meals arrived, looking positively delicious. Eager to begin eating, Maya speared the sauce-covered pasta and chicken combo and devoured it hungrily. Her eyes bulged several seconds later as she gagged and began chugging water at a rapid pace to wash the disgusting flavor from her mouth. At the same time, Shinji took a bite of his own food, only to knock back his own water a moment later as he felt his taste buds erupt in flames.

In the kitchens, the saboteurs watched gleefully as the pair continued hacking, Maya from having her boss take a heavy hand to the salt shaker with her food and Shinji from being a victim of Asuka's ire. The redheaded German had dumped an unreasonable amount of Tabasco sauce on the plate and called it tomato paste.

Misato was giggling to herself as she went to ask how the meal was, only to be met with a pair of highly annoyed faces. Shinji couldn't believe this! His first chance to make his date's evening a pleasurable one and it was already being flushed down the toilet in a shower of salt and hot sauce. Getting up and taking Maya's arm in his, Shinji glared at the waitress, never realizing that it was Misato in disguise underneath all the makeup. "I had heard that this place was one of the best in town, but if this is how you treat your customers, then it appears I misread something. Come on, Maya, we're leaving!" Maya followed the young man to the door, equally annoyed at the service they had received.

Too bad Asuka wasn't done with them yet, having left a present for them at the restaurant entrance. Maya avoided the trap quite by accident, but Shinji wasn't so lucky. Feeling the ground ripped from underneath him as he walked right into the trip wire, the Eva pilot went flying. Hearing his surprised yell Maya tried to catch him, but her aim was a little too high. Shinji barreled right into the young woman, his arms flailing wildly in desperate search for something, _anything_, to prevent his fall. The end result? Shinji's hands wrapped around Maya's waist and ended up clinching to her small but totally squeezable ass. Maya squeaked in shock as she felt where the boy's hands had ended up. As if that wasn't enough, the height difference between them had made sure that Shinji's face was firmly planted into her breasts as she caught him.

Maya blushed heavily as she held Shinji in her arms, all blood being redirected to her face in a matter of seconds. The young man sighed in relief as he discovered that he hadn't fallen face first into the pavement. Unfortunately for him, it didn't take long for him to figure out not only where his face was, but his hands as well. He sucked in a breath and tried to remove himself from the technician before she did something very painful to his face. However, Shinji suddenly found himself unable to dislodge his hands from their current resting place. Quickly gathering his bearings, Shinji only felt one of Maya's hands on his back to steady him now.

'_Holy shit!'_ Was Maya actually _keeping_ his hands where they were? A quick sensory check confirmed that indeed, the young woman's other hand was on top of his own, keeping them securely in their place. Shinji blushed madly as he felt her hold around his back tighten, pressing his face deeper into her bosom.

Maya smiled demurely as her thoughts on the situation went into overdrive. '_This is better than I could have expected,_' she said to herself. Luckily there was nobody else in the restaurant; many of the normal customers had done left Tokyo-3 and it was already a slow day to begin with. Mentally grinning to herself, Maya looked down at her date with a daring smirk on her face, Shinji finally lifting his face up to look into her eyes.

"My my Shinji, I didn't know you were so eager…" she said sexily, batting her eyelashes as she pulled him closer. The young woman felt extremely embarrassed about what she was saying, but come on…the look on Shinji's face was priceless!

Gulping, the pilot managed to remove himself from the woman's body with minimal trouble. "I'm sorry Maya. I guess I tripped over something. I didn't mean to grab you there. It was totally inappropriate, and I hope you'll forgive me," he apologized. Maya didn't miss the wince he gave as she brought her hand up to her chest in shock.

'_My God, what on earth have Sohryu and the Major done to him? He thinks I'm going to hit him!_' she thought. Smiling shyly, Maya brought her arms around Shinji and hugged him tightly. "Shinji you don't have to apologize. I know it was an accident, and I'm not going to hurt you for what happened. To be quite honest, it felt…nice," she responded.

Shinji looked up at the tech, completely stunned. She liked it!? Why would any woman, much less Maya, want a guy like him to touch her in such personal places!

Maya giggled at the look on his face and took his hand in hers. "Come on Shinji. Let's head over to my apartment. I highly doubt that something horrible is going to happen over there."

To the young woman's displeasure, Section-2 picked that exact moment to interrupt them. "We're sorry Lt. Ibuki, but the contest rules indicate that all auction winners are prohibited from bringing the Third Child to their place of residence," the agent said, fixing Maya with a stern gaze.

Did I forget to mention that all agents covering detail for Shinji's dates were female?

Maya huffed in response. "Well then I guess we should just head home. It's getting kind of late and Shinji has school tomorrow," she said, succumbing to the silent warning that Section-2 gave her.

The two black-dressed women nodded and hustled the pair into the car, handily breaking several traffic laws in order to get Maya home has quickly as possible. As the brunette gingerly climbed out of the limo, she turned and tilted Shinji's face towards hers.

"Shinji, I'm sorry about what happened at the restaurant. Sure the food was bad, but I had a great time just talking with you. Maybe when this whole auction thing is over, we can do it again sometime."

Shinji, being unable to resist any cute girl, nodded slowly. "Y-yeah, that sounds fine with me. Well, good night Maya," he said. He wasn't prepared for the chaste kiss she planted firmly on his lips before she left; and as is the Shinji Ikari way, all his mental functions temporarily shut down. Maya smirked and walked away, swaying her ass suggestively as she turned briefly and blew a kiss at the shy boy.

Unable to handle the tech's advances any longer, the Section-2 agents gunned it towards Misato's apartment, snapping Shinji out of his trance as his body was violently thrown into the car door.

Once he arrived home, Shinji ran straight to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. He was still having trouble digesting the fact that he had been kissed by a beautiful woman. It didn't help matters that the agents had not-so-subtlely groped his rear when he exited the car…

"_Maya kissed me! This has to be some kind of dream! I had my first kiss with Maya Ibuki!_' he mentally screamed. Luckily for Misato and Asuka, they had made it home before Shinji and had fallen fast asleep, so they were spared Shinji's near-hyperventilation. (A/N: This fic takes place before the infamous 'kiss scene')

Though if he _had_ hyperventilated, I seriously doubt either of them would've had a problem with giving him mouth-to-mouth…

**(The next day: City Hall Pavilion)**

Shinji sighed as he stood once again behind the wall separating him from hundreds of thousands of screaming, fanatical women. If the boy were honest with himself, his date last night with Maya had gone fairly well, restaurant fiasco notwithstanding, and he wouldn't mind a second date with the timid brunette. Then again, he _did_ have 29 more dates to go on, so maybe there was somebody out there that he could identify with more than Maya?

Gripping the microphone tightly, Shigeru pumped his arm into the air. "Alright ladies, we will now commence with the second day of the Ikari Auction! From here on out, every auction will have a random rule chosen by an unbiased panel affecting the way you bid. Today's rule: there will be a cap of 100 million yen placed on the bidding. So if we somehow manage to actually get that high, anybody still left bidding at that price will win the auction. So basically, if you gals can afford it, you can double date Shinji!"

Hearing that, Shinji's eyes bulged out considerably. First of all, who in their right mind would pay that much for a date with him? Second, just whose bloody idea was it to include a rule like _that_ in the equation?

Can anybody say Magi?

"Okay then, let's get this show on the road! After yesterday's results, I've decided to up the starting bid a bit, to say…150,000?"

Things quickly got out of hand. The women in Tokyo-3 were either a hell of a lot richer than yesterday's auction had indicated, or the idea of a double-date with the Third Child was too tantalizing to pass up, even if they had to break the bank to get it. The bids quickly shot into the tens of millions, slowing down as the price climbed higher and higher. Shigeru, despite all rational logic, couldn't get the bidding war to stop. They just kept offering more.

'_80 million yen! Who in the world is still bidding?_' Shinji thought to himself. Whoever it was, they had an insane amount of cash on hand…

"Okay that does it! I'm calling this thing right now girls! Who's gonna go for the cap of 100 million? We'll work our way down fro-" Shigeru started, only to see that all but two hands dropped like a sack of rocks. The technician gulped. This certainly wasn't what he anticipated. '_May God have mercy on that poor boy's soul,_' he thought as he cleared his throat. Shinji wasn't too sure, but he was pretty sure that the sound of Shigeru gulping was most definitely _not_ a good sign for him.

"I see…well then, bidders 270 and 786 have both offered the bidding cap of 100 million yen and thus have won today's auction. If you ladies could step on up to the podium, you can meet your date.

Shinji was sweating bullets. He wasn't sure he wanted to know who was willing to shell out that kind of money for a date. Hearing their footfalls, the Third Child sighed and steeled himself. Turning his body to face the two, his thought processes stopped like a train slamming into a 50 ft thick brick wall at 300 mph.

'_I am so fucking _boned!" Shinji mentally shrieked as he saw who he would be taking out for dinner that evening.

"H-h-hi Asuka. Hi Ayanami."

* * *

Dun, dun, dun! Don't you guys just LOVE me? Bwa ha ha ha…I am the master of the plot twist. Thou shalt bow before me! Oh wait, you mean I'm not God? Damn.

Anyway, that does it for Chapter 2. If you guys were pretty downed by the date with Maya, don't worry. It was mainly plot filler to get the whole process started off. Now the real fun begins…

Next time on **The Great Ikari Auction**, Chapter 3: Double Trouble. Shinji's in for the night of his life, taking both Asuka and Rei on a date. Plus the competition heats up behind the scenes as the other women continue trying to rain on the parade in more daring ways.

Send reviews guys. I wanna hear some ideas for auction rules and ways to try and ruin the dates. I love feedback and can't wait to hear from you. BTW, for those who are wondering just where in the hell Asuka and Rei came up with 100 mil each, that'll be covered in the next chapter.

Until then, this is Psycho Counter signing off!


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